Quote of the day:

Assumptions are dangerous things.
—Agatha Christie

It was time for another visit to the, uh, eye doctor. I see him every six months as he claims that he needs to keep an eye on my macular degeneration and my cataracts.

The technician gave me the preliminary exam and asked me a bunch of questions. I told her that nothing has changed. Same medications, nothing to report about my eyesight, and yes, I still have the same primary physician, but not for much longer (more about that some other time).

Then there was the eye chart, one eye at a time. I thought I did well on the left eye, but the last two letters were a bit blurry on the right eye. I think that was because an insect had flown into my right eye on the walk over and the eye was still watering, so before I did the reading test, I wiped the excess liquid out of the way. I think I passed the reading test with flying colors even though I hadn’t brought my reading glasses. The truth is I can read just fine without them, but not for more than a minute without getting a headache.

Then she put some eyedrops in my eyes (my favorite part—not!) and we went to the machine to take a picture of my retinas.

Following that, it was a short wait for the op-, uh, eye doctor.

He seemed pleased and gave me a good report. No further macular degeneration, but the cataracts are continuing to do whatever it is that cataracts do. He didn’t think it was time for action yet, however.

Then he put those blasted yellow dilating drops in my eyes. My really favorite part (absolutely not!).

Just like last time, he didn’t send me out into the waiting room to let the drops dilate my eyes to the max, he just continued the exam.

I asked him about that.

“Your eyes were dilated enough,” he said.

Apparently brown eyes dilate faster than others (or something like that). 

“I think it’s great that I don’t have to wait,” I said.

“We normally like to wait 20 minutes or so until the eyes are dilated to the max, but in your case, you were ready.” 

“Oh, I’m always ready!” 

The technician, who had re-entered the room and was entering something on the computer, tittered at that. The doctor even smiled.

“I meant ready for the exam.” 

“I saw this sign over here”—and I pointed to the sign on the stand beside me—“about reversing the dilation.” 

“Yes, we have drops now that will reverse the dilation. It’s not immediate, but it will cut down on the three hour dilation effect.”

“With me it’s more like six hours.” 

“It costs twenty dollars.” 

In other words my Medicare and Federal health insurance wouldn’t cover the miracle drops.

“When it comes to spending money, I’m kinda like Jack Benny. So I think I’ll pass.” 

Here the doctor smiled again. 

I continued, “And I’m also thirty-nine years old.” 

The technician laughed out loud at that point.

The doctor reminded me to come back in six months and that was that.

I had brought along my extra dark sunglasses for the walk back home, but it was an overcast day, so for once I didn’t need them. And it took me five hours for my eyes to clear up, but I suspect if it had been a sunny day, it would have taken six.