If I won’t be myself, who will?
—Alfred Hitchcock
Pat Hitchcock (along with Laurence Bouzereau) wrote a chatty book entitled Alma Hitchcock: The Woman Behind the Man that was published in 2003. It’s filled with anecdotes about both of her parents as well about her growing up first in England and later in this country. Alas, it’s out of print and there is no ebook edition, but used copies are available at a premium price.
Pat reveals that JFK invited her parents to a luncheon at the White House on December 10, 1963; the invitation was postmarked November 21, 1963.
On a happier note, Hitch was asked to be the host for LBJ’s inaugural ball gala after he was elected. Here is what he said on that occasion. Note that if, like me, you are of a certain age, you are likely to recall various advertising campaigns from that era that he makes reference to. Also, perhaps some folks might need a reminder that LBJ’s wife was named Lady Bird and one of his daughters was Lynda Bird. And the newly elected junior senator for California was former song-and-dance man George Murphy (Tom Lehrer wrote a song about how now he could really give the folks a song and dance).
Washington, D.C. Inaugural Gala, Monday, January 18, 1965:
Mr. President, Mrs. Johnson, Mr. Vice President-elect, Mrs. Humphrey-elect, ladies, and gentlemen: [Daddy did his usual bow] Good evening. I am very pleased to be part of this salute to a great man. It is an honor I shall always cherish. There is a reason why this is especially moving for me. You probably don’t realize this, but I am not a native born American. I migrated to these shores twenty-five years ago. Some people say it was a kind of cultural exchange… but no one knows what was sent to England in return. They’re afraid to open it.
Actually, that is not the case at all. The year I came to the United States a young congressman from Texas voted for a bill called “Lend-Lease.” Now he can see what he got for those fifty destroyers. Actually, I suspect that our producer, Mr. Richard Adler, chose me to open this show because of my reputation as a political prognosticator. The identity of our first family is hardly a surprise to me. A few years ago I warned the entire nation: “The Birds is coming!”
In two days, this great country will pause and turn to Washington for the occasion of the forty-fifth inauguration of a President of the United States. That day will demand and receive all the solemn dignity that the office and the man assuming it have earned. But tonight we are asking you to relax and enjoy yourselves. I am certain that none of you will be more relaxed than our Vice President-elect. Mr. Humphrey is in what we call “the awkward age.” No longer a senator; not yet a vice president.
Mr. Adler has assembled a formidable group of entertainers for tonight’s show. Many of you in our audience, as members of the administration, or of the House, or Senate, have worked for the minimum wage. Tonight it is our turn. This unique country has selected a theme for the next four years–the Great Society. A theme has also been selected for this evening’s event–the free expression of the human spirit, without which, no Great Society could be possible. To demonstrate that theme, we have one of Broadway and television’s brightest choreographers, Mr. Ernie Flatt, assisted by a handsome troop of Broadway performers, including Buzz Miller, George Reader, and Don Crichton.
[Later, after the performance:]
Thank you. I thought they did quite well without me. Originally, of course, I was to have danced with them. After all, I understand that is the way the junior senator from California got started. Unfortunately for me, at the last moment, someone stole my leotard.
Our next performer is a young singer who is closely associated with the number that was selected only last week as the official song of the Army Reservists in honor of their Secretary of Defense: “Mack the Knife.” Ladies and gentlemen: Mr. Bobbie Darrin.
[After the performance:]
Thank you. We shall continue our program in a moment, but first… a word from our sponsor. The party or parties to whom this is directed do not seem to be very well represented here tonight. In fact, they aren’t even well represented in Congress. This is addressed to our loyal opposition.
Friends:
On last November 4th did you suffer from that morning-after feeling? Did you feel as though your group had all the cavities?
Are you hurt because no one put you in the driver’s seat?
Do you want fast, fast, fast relief; yet, you’d rather fight than switch?
Then the answer is indeed a simple one: You’re number two, so you’ll just have to try harder.
And now, an international visitor. We next have an extraordinary young man who has flown here all the way from Paris where he is in the process of making a motion picture, the producers of which have generously suspended operations until his return. Messieurs et mesdames, avec beaucoup de plaisir, je vous presente Monsieur Woody Allen. [Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce Mr. Woody Allen.]
[Later, after Woody Allen’s speech:]
Thank you. You know this has all been most enlightening. I always thought Woody Allen was a national park.
I don’t believe it is commonly known but my great-great-grandfather once had dinner at the White House. Actually, it wasn’t exactly dinner. It was during the War of 1812 and was more in the nature of a barbecue. At the time the hostess was Dolley Madison. I have come to the end of my part in these festivities but it is with a great deal of pleasure that I turn you over to another Dolly. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Carol Channing.
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